somewhere over the NY rainbow...

I don’t know why, but for the last few days I haven’t been able to work up the motivation to write anything in Pentalk. This used to happen whenever I was distracted by someone (and, on rare occasions, something). But no, there’s no new person / interest in my life. I’d sit down in front of ye old laptop, and this sudden weariness would overwhelm me. After about 30 minutes of mindless solitaire, I’d give it another mindless shot…before crawling off to lie mindlessly in bed.

Saturday, I shut down the laptop and went off to the big city in search of a life. I had a strong need to get one, and I heard they had some on sale in the city. I wasn’t going clubbing…no, I had a much loftier goal…I had an experiment to conduct.

I’ve been reading this book sent to me by a friend (thanks!) Is It a Date or Just Coffee the gay girl’s guide to dating, sex and romance, by Mo Brownsey. It does make me laugh out loud (aka LOL), but I wanted to try out some of the suggestions made by the author re: meeting women.

Apparently, the single lesbian should forget Home Depot, because that is a couples’ hangout, and it seems most of the women you meet there have someone waiting for them at home. For those with a real need for power tools (not toys), she suggests you pick some time other than the weekend to do your shopping. Well damn.

It is extremely rare to meet the girl of your dreams at a club (hey, the Pentalker figured that out all by her self), but Mo says you should try other spots like bookstores, and a bunch of other places events that I have forgotten. I decided to try the bookstore thing.

After conducting some in-depth research (15 minutes, interspersed with about 10 minutes of mindless solitaire), I could state with total confidence that perhaps there were maybe only 3 GLBT bookstores in the city of New York, and that one of them (the Oscar Wilde one) was or wasn’t still in business.  Armed with this knowledge, I marched off to git me a filly.

Standing outside the bookstore on Hudson, I have to say I wasn’t too impressed by the exterior (yes, I am somewhat of a superficial person when it comes to picking a shop…). I walked in anyway, figuring a little place like this would provide a cozy atmosphere, inspiring the exchange of phone numbers…or maybe more.

Aside from the salesperson, there were three men not a day over 65, but probably not too many days under it either. Maybe 63, 64. And that was it. I looked for hidden corners to see if the womenfolk were maybe in hiding or something….nope. So, I perused the somewhat limited lesbian-centered books on offer, making mental notes of what I’d buy…online. I mean, I wasn’t going to buy anything there if there were no women to discuss it with, maybe get a phone number. Maybe coffee, even. I left after about 10 minutes.

I wasn’t too eager to go find out if the Oscar Wilde still existed, but I headed off in that direction. After some aimless wandering, I trotted in to what used to be my “favorite club” (meaning I’ve been there more than 4 times). I was glad it was too early for the party crowd, figuring I’d just grab a beer and rest my feet…maybe use the ladies room. Now, there’s something to think about. Why bother calling it a ladies room in a lesbian bar? After all it’s simply called “food” in China…not Chinese food. Ah well.

Are you as tired of reading as I am of typing? I’m almost done, I think. I should probably split this into 2 posts, but I know I’d never get around to finishing it.

So there I was drinking at the bar, mindlessly staring at the muted TV, when an Anita Baker CD intervened and had me joking and laughing with these 2 ladies beside me. Turns out we all lived in the same city…also turns out there are gay clubs of choice in said city. And I had to go all the way to the village to meet my neighbors to find this out. I think I may have had my head buried in the sand, or something.

We laughed some more, danced (had the entire floor to ourselves as there still weren’t too many people there), and had a few more drinks. I think one of them was attracted to me…I could have told her it wouldn’t work:  she did just about everything Mo warns against in her book. I heard about Exs, one of whom she was still living with, and the no-strings attached post-game make out sessions. I heard about previous threesomes…in detail. Well, to be honest, I asked for the details. Hmmm. Maybe she wasn’t really interested. (I should write a book “Is that your hand creeping up my thigh and your breast pushing against my arm or are we just having beer?”)

On my part, I felt no sexual attraction…I was just glad to be hanging out with lesbians, and ecstatic that we were neighbors.

So what’re my findings from this experiment?

There may be 3 bookstores in NY, but one of them doesn’t seem to have a lot of women, or else the women haven’t read Mo’s book yet.

If you think coffee can confuse things…try beer.

I can write quite a bit when I set my mind to it.

Those are all very deep truths. You should meditate on them.

Me, I’m going to play some mindless solitaire.

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