pentalk

Let the memory live again

posted Sunday, 11 September 2005

 

“…I finally found someone, who knocks me off my feet
I finally found the one who makes me feel complete
It started over coffee, we started out as friends
It’s funny how from simple things, the best things begin…”

 

 

I was watching “Tipping the Velvet” a few minutes ago…and all of a sudden, felt a long forgotten loneliness wrap its arms around me like a long-lost lover.

My heart felt like it did on those long ago lonely days and nights when it cried out for completion and fulfillment…

when it yearned to belong to someone whose heart belonged to me.

But how can that be?

I am involved with a woman whose name is etched deep within my core…and whose soul answers only to my voice…my cry…

I cry.

Why?

How can it be that I sit here, feeling all over again like one left for dead by cupids mislaid arrow?

How can you be with someone…and yet not be with them?

 

To be honest, I write only for writing’s sake.

I know what it’s all about.

It’s about words that can never be recalled

Words that pierce through even love’s impenetrable armor.

Words that exist to contradict the heart’s true and noble intent.

Words that flow from the need to strike in response to an emotional assault.

Real or imagined.

 

It’s just…this time…the assault really is imagined.

For there was none, my love…

Who can blame you for this? Who can I blame but me?

When time and again the circle of sorrow is forged…anger stoked…passion doused in the harsh light of the reality of my being.

It’s true you know…for better or worse is worse than for better.

Selah.

 

When you rend my heart like a flimsy, red-stained garment…I ask myself if I have so wounded you…if the punishment fits the crime.

Guess I’m doing time.

And in time, the time that has brought such despair will disappear,

and your arms will again embrace me

without hesitation and dispel the frustration that engulfs me

Engulfs my body

Engulfs my heart.

 

But for tonight…it’s the doghouse.

Woof.

BTW…Methinks the book is much better. Nan just sounded different in my mind. But I still fell in love with her and Kitty as they fell in love with each other.

I wasn’t sure how Monsieur Dildo would be represented.

Yikes!

 

 *************************************

Why the hell are so many Barbra Streisand songs running through my head and heart?

 

Midnight
Not a sound from the pavement
Has the moon lost her memory
She is smiling alone
In the lamplight
The withered leaves collect at my feet
And the wind begins to moan
Memory
All alone in the moonlight
I can smile happy your days ( I can dream of the old days)
Life was beautiful then
I remember the time I knew what happiness was
Let the memory live again
Every street lamp seems to beat
A fatalistic warning
Someone mutters and the street lamp gutters
And soon it will be morning
Daylight
I must wait for the sunrise
I must think of a new life
And I mustn’t give in
When the dawn comes
Tonight will be a memory too
And a new day will begin

Burnt out ends of smoky days
The still cold smell of morning
A street lamp dies ,another night is over
Another day is dawning
Touch me,
It is so easy to leave me
All alone with the memory
Of my days in the sun
If you touch me,
You’ll understand what happiness is
Look, a new day has begun...

 

 

****************************

 

Memories

Like the corners of my mind

Misty watercolor memories

Of the way we were

Scattered pictures

Of the smiles we left behind

Smiles we gave to one another

For the way we were

Can it be that it was all so simple then

Or has time rewritten every line

If we had the chance to do it all again

Tell me - would we? could we?

 

Memories

May be beautiful and yet

What’s too painful to remember

We simply choose to forget

 

So it is the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

 

So it is the laughter

We will remember

Whenever we remember

The way we were

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